Balance

I have always wanted to be a mom. I have always wanted to graduate with a Bachelors, in what I was never quite certain. But never did I think I would be doing both at the same time. Juggling these two crazy but wonderful things I have seen how far a person can be stretched.

I thought it was hard being a student growing up. I felt there was a lot of pressure to get things right and to always be the best. That is something that I haven't out grown. I guess in time maybe it wont matter, but then and now it does. Since starting my Bachelors this past fall I have received all A's. Then during the winter semester, when Allison was born and 4 of us got the flu, I got an A-. I never thought I would feel so disappointed over that. But, I was. Spring semester has proven to be back up to par in my eyes, but I think that over achiever part of me is waring pretty thin. I find it harder and harder to satisfy the demands of an A student, full time mom, and a wife. I find it hard to be 100% in every area everyday.

The girls are all growing up so quickly. Natalie is starting full time preschool next year, Chelsea is almost 3, and Allison changes everyday. I look back and wonder if I made the right choice to go back to school right away. Don't get me wrong it feels great to be back in the books, and analyzing actions and motivations, learning and studying. But with everything there comes a price. Something has to be sacrificed. No matter how much I want it I can't add hours to a day, or days to a week. I have to split my time between my school, my girls. and my husband. I know that in the end everything will work out, but I hope I can work it out the right way.

I guess I am learning more and more about how hard a balancing act is. What is the right amount of time to devote to this, or what is the right amount of effort that needs to be put into that. This has been one of those weeks that is stretching me more than I thought I could. Final papers for my psychology class, rambunctious toddlers, and a teething baby, all while my wonderful husband works hours of OT to support the family so I can stay home. Days like today I wonder how I get through. I know I could not do it without the wonderful support of Josh, loving and very forgiving daughters, family members who help give me that extra push, but most importantly a loving Heavenly Father. His love for me as his daughter, and the strength he gives me to carry on each day to learn and grow. I am so grateful for the trials in my life that help be become the most I can be. One day, when I've made it through the refiners fire, I hope to be an example to my girls of what they can become, and their worth in my eyes, and especially the eyes of their loving Heavenly Father.